Whoa is Lorri

Warning: this post has zero photos. I don't think I've ever put up a post with no photos, so consider yourselves witnessing history...

I began today like I begin all my days since the boyfriend has been gone - tired. So tired that I can't even being to explain what it feels like. But despite that, I was determined to make today a good one. I looked for reasons to be optimistic - the weather was perfect, my playlist was cheery, and the good folks at starbucks didn't fuck up my tall nonfat no foam no whip mocha order for once. But despite it all, despite me looking for reasons to smile it took everything in me not to cry. All.day.long. 

Why, you ask? Because this shit is hard. Life is fucking hard. Situations in life are fucking hard. And they seem to all be catching up to me. But why today? Why today of all days could I just not stomach the bullshit that we all deal with at some point in our life? To that I don't have an answer, unfortunately. What I do know is that I was so wrapped up with me, Lorri Rumbarger, that I put myself first for once, even if only for a few hours. And let me tell ya, it was liberating, really. It's not that I didn't give a fuck, but I didn't stress out about a damn thing at work today. I did what I needed to do and I moved on to the next task, the next person, the next conversation. But near the end of the day I was given a reality check, I realized that I belong to the government, and I can't truly be me. Instead, I have to be what they want me to be. I have to put on a front. I have to smile and nod and give the impression that I have the answer to world fucking hunger. And I may get in trouble for saying that but guess what…it's the truth, and how can you blame me for speaking truths? You can't. And if you do, you can go fuck yourself.

Now don't get me wrong in all my bitching. I have so much to be grateful for. I should punch myself in the face for complaining about anything. I mean, I have a hard-working hubby who makes me feel like a giggly school girl anytime he puts on his helmet and jacket and hops on his bike. Not to mention the fact that he flies fighters - go strike eagles! I have three beautiful and healthy children that think I'm simply the coolest, although I'm sure once they're teenagers they'll think I'm the least coolest person they know. We have a small, yet beautiful place by the bay. We have great friends. And we each have a dysfunctional family, and so do ya'll, admit it, but I'm still grateful for them because I am who I am partially because of them and all of their dysfunctional glory. And if you ask me, I turned out pretty damn okay.

So like my hubby tells me in times like this, "Tomorrow's a new day." And it'll be better. 

Oh, and Mother, I'm fine, so there's no need to phone me tonight. I love you though ;)

Xoxo,

Lorri