Good Thing She's Cute

...my kid, that is.

Avery is going through, what I like to call, the-terrible-almost-ones. 

She has always been a bit of a diva but Lord God if this child hasn't picked up the pace and kept me on my toes nonstop as of late! Not only is she into EVERYTHING but she also wants what she wants. Period. Done. 

Example: Over the weekend I bought a 1 ounce bottle of hand sanitizer for $2.98 (do you know how much off-brand hand-sanitizer I could buy for $2.98? Like 43 gallons, that's how much) because when I attempted to take it from her and put it back on the shelf she threw her body back and screamed bloody murder. I just stared at her for a few seconds and told her to "work that out". 

She did. 

But then she reached for a shelf of glass pitchers... 

so I swooped her tail up and handed her the hand sanitiser back. 

Avery 1, Mama 0. 

The whole situation blew my mind. With the big kids I don't think I dealt with an embarrassing public breakdown until they were maybe three. So I was stunned. Home girl isn't even one. I just crossed myself after writing that last sentence and I'm not even Catholic. 

But bruh, I need all the help I can get if this recent incident is any indication of future situations. 

Let's bow our heads.

It's just that at this young age I can't have a pep talk with her and expect it to stick. 

With a three year old I can. 

A ten month old? 

Not so much. 

She understands Milky. Okay? Then she lifts my shirt to look for said milky. And then eat said milky. Sammy. 

Walk. 

Eat. 

Papi. 

No. 

Diaper. 

Come On. 

More. 

Words like that she understands. 

But when I ramble on about how I forgot arugula to go with dinner or the importance of her making good choices she just looks at me mischievously while shovelling her snack in her mouth and toddles off like "Good talk, mom but I got a basket of toys to go dump out in the living room you just cleaned." 

When we went to checkout I only had one other item besides the hand-santizer she was holding hostage. 

"Just the one item?" The checkout lady asked. 

I hesitated, thinking to myself, "Do I want to say yes, put the sanitizer back and deal with my child screaming like a lunatic or..." 

"Nope, have this too." I said pointing to Avery's hand. 

The cashier must've been fluent in baby meltdowns because without skipping a beat she grabbed her scanner, leaned over the counter, and scanned the item while it was still in Avery's hand. 

I paid. 

We left. 

Avery was happy. 

And now I'm the proud owner for an overpriced bottle of passion fruit hand sanitizer which Avery chucked on the ground the second we exited the store. 

Call her Veruca Salt, because she wants the woooorld, she wants the whooole world. Don't care howww, she wants it noooooow. 

12,387 points if you can name that movie. 

Terrible-almost-ones. It's a thing.