Kid Convos

It's been a while since I shared some Kid Convos so here we go:

Owen wanted to hold Avery, whom was currently being held by Ari

Owen: (impatiently) Let me hold her, Ari!

Ari: (calmly) I'll let you hold her when your negative energy is gone.

After Sammy ate raw meat when it fell on the floor:

Owen: (in the twangy, southern accent he gets at times) Sammy gonna die. I feel sorry for her.

While smelling fast food as we walked into a building:

Owen: Eh, it smells like grease, fat, and unhealthiness.

Me:  You're Silly.

Owen: No, literally it smells like that.

While watching Ari peruse a town on Minecraft

Me: How log are you staying in this village?

Ari: Long enough to get back on my feet.

The kids were playing their version of hide-and-go-seek where the person looking for the others is blindfolded the whole time.

Ari: Mom can you tie the blindfold?

Me: Yeah, but wouldn't it be wiser to put it on downstairs. How will you make it down safely? 

Ari: (matter-of-factly) I'll use echo location.

At the dinner table eating (note: Daddy was still at work)

Owen: What would u do if daddy just started tossing hundred dollar bills in the air when he got home? I mean, all I'd need is five like five of those bad boys and I'd be set for the rest of my childhood. *shrugs and continues to eat*

Owen after asking what time he had to be up in the morning.

Owen: I ask because I need at least 10 hours of sleep each night, otherwise I need Redbull and coffee in the morning.

I walk downstairs to the couch cushions everywhere and blankets and pillows all over the living room floor, the middle two are growling and jumping from cushion to cushion.

Me: What's happening in here?

Owen: We're playing 'Cheetah'.

Owen then pounces from all four, jumps on Ari, and hits her back super hard.

Me: Owen Miles!

Ari: (not phased by the assault) Mom! It's 'Cheetah'!!!

Creepy Chaperones

Owen: *As he reads a sign in the doctor's office* Mama, what is a chaaaap-er-oooone?

Me: It's a person that could come into the room with the doctor if you didn't feel comfortable with only the doctor being in the room. Chaperones can be used for a lot of things - being in the room with a doctor. Or when I come to your classroom to help out that's also called a chaperone. Basically a chaperone watches what is happening and everyone is aware they are there to watch what is going on.

Owen: What's it called when someone watches what is happening but no one knows they are there?

Me: That's called a creeper.

Owen: *Giggles*

Me: Or a voyeur.

Owen: Or a stalker!

Kid Convos

Finish swallowing your purple drank ya'll because here is another round of kid convos straight from the mouths of my growing clan. Enjoy.

Owen: Mom, did you know there are millions of galax-cities?

When texting Ariana while she was staying the night at a friends house.
Ari: BRB. We gotta see if Hammy is dead.
Me: *laughs hysterically* Who is hammy? And why did you speak so matter-of-factly about his potential death?
*Ater a few minutes of silence*
Ari: Don't worry. He's still alive.

Ariana: Thomas almost drowned.
Me: He's a fish, how could he almost drown?

Me: Hey sweetie, I brought you a snack.
Owen: Thank you. What are they?
Me: Junior Mints. They were my favorite as a kid.
O *to his sister*: Hey Ari, you want some Mint Juniors?

Owen: My teacher is so funny, we've gotta be related because he's funny and I'm funny.

When tucking Owen in after having a dance off in the kitchen and me attempting to do the pirouettes he requested of me after we belted out a duet of, "Someone like you" as his nigh, night song.
Owen: You know what's weird?
Me: What?
O: Everyone in our family has a little crazy in them.
Me: How do you feel about that?
O: Awesome. It makes me feel…like…special. Because we're not like other families

After asking the kids to take the cushions off the couch so I could vaccumm it.
Owen: Finding money is so precious. I got fo' dollas baby. Fo' sweet dollas. *Proceeds to check more cushions.

Ariana: After watching a Bobby Flay in some cooking show. "They need to make a documentary about Bobby Flay."

Owen: Mummy, are you aware that 81% of all children suffer from lower back pain?

And as always, for more shenanigans go here.

Funny Shit My Kids Say

Are you ready for another round of Funny Shit My Kids Say? Well too bad, cause it's happenin'. Now.


Ariana:
- (To her brothers roughhousing in a store) We're in public. You gotta act normal.

- (After using eBay for the first time and loving it) I think I'm gonna be one of those awkward eBay people when I grow up. Who sits all day waiting...just waiting for their package to arrive.

Ariana: He (Owen) has to go pee every five minutes.
Owen: 10 - actually!

- It smells like poop...or french fries.


Owen:
- (To Ari when she stopped in the middle of telling a story) Tell us more about the falcon bullet - this is starrrrrting to get interesting.

- (When shopping for school supplies)
Me: Here Owen. Here are some dinosaur folders.
Owen: (Doesn't even look up and continues to look through the bins) I'm not a fan of dinosaurs anymore.

- That sucks that people get pick-pocketed. That's probably how hobos become hobo'd. 

Owen: I'm gonna get some milk
Me: Here, let me help you.
Owen: I can do it. I'm a grown man now.

Ariana: She works at the (insert company name).
Owen: Probably because she didn't have a high enough IP.
Me: IP?
Ethan: He means 'IQ'.
Ariana: Wow. Who doesn't have the high enough IQ now?

Me: Owen, do you still want me to cut you a piece of cake for your snack?
Owen: Nah, I already had something else. I got unpatient.

Owen: I'll give you a thousand dollars if you do it.
Ethan: You don't have a thousand dollars.
O: Well when I get it I'll give it to you. Like when I'm 16. And get a job. And graduate college.

Owen: Mommy can I live with you until I'm at least 30. Because I'm afraid I might get in my car to go to the grocery store and get lost, never to be found again.

For more shenanigans, go here.

Kid Convos (and a few adult ones too)...

And here we are with yet another post of funny shit my kids say and I write down. I'm gonna have a bookcase full of these by the time the littlest heads off to college. Enjoy.

Owen (after I kicked him and Ethan outside to play because they had been playing video games for about two hours straight): Mom? You know how Ethan made the mistake of teaching me video games? Well, I've decided not to teach the baby video games."

Owen: I don't do that to people anymore, it's cruel.

Ariana (When telling me about an Army veteran she saw on TV): So this guy was a veterinary solider...

Owen: He grabs a crow bar and tries to crow it open.

Owen (with a look of pure disgust on his face): Does all British music sound like this?

Owen (often adds/omits words to phrases...in this case 'Long time, no see'. I asked if he wanted to go to the store with me and he began telling me how he was too busy.): ...basically mom, no time, no see.

Owen: They're called cuties because they're made for me and I'm a cutie.

Owen (When waiting to board our flight to England): This is my last time in America for a while. Now it's off to different countries and different languages. It's gonna be a long time before I deploy again. *slowly shakes head as if reminiscing 

Ariana's invisible friend, Bob, died so her and Anna were out having a ceremony for him. 
Owen: Are they doing Bob's funeral?
Ethan: Yeah
O: Wow, that's sad and awkward at the same time...how did Bob die again?
E: She scared him to death
O: So basically she murdered him. She needs charged with 1st degree murder. 

Owen (after demolishing ribs): If I'm messy, don't judge.

I procrastinate and I'm very scatter-brained. Knowing this, the morning I was flying out and about to head out the door to the airport Seth ran down a mental checklist with me to make sure I had everything I needed to head back to the states to pick up the kids.
Seth:What about your passport? Do you have your passport?
Me: Oh! I should grab that. *walks toward office*
Seth: LORRI! (he never calls me that) YOU ARE GOING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY! YOU NEED YOUR PASSPORT!

Seth: Ready to go?
Me: I still have an entire glass of wine to finish *leans back in no rush*
Seth: Well you better down that bullshit because we're leaving in like five mike.

For more shenanigans go here, here, here, here, here, and if you're curious as to how and why I started this Kid Convo Chaos read all about that here. Dueces, homeskillets!

Kid Convos

More random convos my kids have...

• When skyping with the kids they asked what we were doing. We told them the movers were coming to Seth's house the following day. Seth took very little furniture with him when he moved to North Carolina so Owen said, "Why are the movers going to Daddy's house - all you need is five boxes and one roll of duct tape."

• As we are driving to Kansas and there was a very pretty hill with flowers growing on it Owen says, "Whoa, that's a beautiful view. Whoa, that's a beautiful grassy mountain."

• As he looks at the clock Owen announces, "It's nine 18 o'clock!"

• After seeing a beautiful sunset Owen said, "God made an awesome world.

• When skyping with us after we arrived in England and we had horrible jet lag Owen saw how tired I was and said, "I'm guessing you'd like to come back to America, huh?"

• When teaching me how to play a game on his XBox Owen very seriously praised me by saying, "You're doing good for a beginner, Mommy."

• After listening to the chorus of Hunter Hayes' 'If You're Gonna Be Someone's Heartbreak' Ethan says, "Wow, he sounds desperate.

• After spending the week with his dad he was telling me about the continental breakfast in the hotel he stayed in, "They have donuts! And Cakes! And eggs!" Then he leans in to me and whispers, "And they even have freeeench tooooast."

• Telling his dad goodbye, "Bring it in for a hug big guy. Oh, and don't miss your flight."

• After seeing a commercial for a toy I said, "You kids have weird things nowadays." To which Ari responds, "Ya'll had weird things too when you were a kid, like a giant radio you had to wind up before listening to it."

Lorri