Cupcakes and Puppy Dogs

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a dog person. Now calm down and don't send me hate mail, it's okay if I don't think a dog is the equivalent of a child, just like it's okay for ya'll to put Mr Pinky in a sweater and call him your "baby." 

I say all of this because the topic at hand is Bear, our German Shepherd. 

He's loyal and good-looking and I feel safe with him in the house when Seth's out of town. But my goodness he's a handful. He listens when and if he wants. He has torn up every kitchen rug I've ever purchased. He ate a pair of my brand-new $120 running shoes. He walks me, rather than letting me walk him. He jumps on people when he's excited. And the list goes on. To put it simply, he's the German Shepherd version of Marley from Marley and Me. Seriously people, he's caused fights between Seth and I. It's said that financial conflicts is the number one reason for marital distress - for us, it's the damn dog, not money. 

I will admit that Bear has been oddly obedient lately. He listens when I yell, "out" for playing too rough with Jersey (our cat). He hasn't chewed up my new rug in the kitchen and he hasn't pounced on any visitors. But today…today he was his old self again. Would you like to know why I say that?

Because I left a chocolate cupcake on the ottoman in the living room as I went to get a drink from the kitchen and when I came back he was polishing off my evening snack. He looked at me, licked his lips, then lowered his head in shame as if he knew he messed up. 

I immediately panicked (yes, even though I could live without him I still care about his health). The first thing that popped in my head was the story a co-worker just recently told me about her dog almost dying from eating a large amount of chocolate. So I jumped online and found out that he'd be just fine. But it made me want to share what I found - it's a cool little chart that shows the amount of chocolate that can cause negative effects on a dog based on the dog's weight. 

In order for my monster puppy to feel any side effects he'd have to eat almost a pound of chocolate. And for it to be potential deadly he'd have to consume four pounds. If I ever have four pounds of chocolate in my home we have a serious problem and need to reevaluate our grocery shopping skills. Therefore, I don't think that'll ever be an issue.

And would you like to know how I confirmed that I am not a dog person? I may or may not have had a fleeting thought about how much a vet bill would be if I needed to take him in and immediately wanted to curse him.

Just being honest.