MIA

I know I've been M.I.A. for a few weeks. Not only have we been crazy busy preparing for our move to England but we also experienced a terrible tragedy in our family less than three weeks ago and I haven't felt like myself lately. We are all handling it differently and my initial reaction was to lay in bed all day, which isn't typical me. Or to take a shower so that the running water would camouflage my tears. But I'm slowly feeling like me again, as in, I don't feel guilty smiling or laughing or living my day. And I have found that writing helps me as well. My entire days are no longer filled with sadness but there are moments in everyday where I get sad and those are the times I write. I write to him. I tell him how his decision is effecting us all. How I have never felt this kind is hurt. And I'm painting again, not as in painting furniture like I'm notorious for doing but I mean paint brush to canvas type painting, which I haven't done in almost 13 years. It relaxes me. I get lost in it. 

So here's to getting back to my old routine - my typical self that sings too loud in the shower and dances way uncoordinated with my children every night before bed. Here's to getting back to posting photos of our most recent shenanigans and adventures on this little slice of interweb for my peeps to keep up with us since I'm terrible at picking up the phone.  Here's to my three little kidlets for baking me a cake and making me cards for my birthday so that I can smile when I look back on that day rather than remember that it was the day he wanted to end his life but he put it off for the following morning as if that made the aftermath any easier on all of us. Here's to truly appreciating just how precious our loved ones are and to soaking up as much of every piece of every day that we can. Because we never know when we'll see our last sunrise, give our last kiss, or breathe our last breath. 

L