The Crush

Candy Crush to be exact. Which should actually be called 'Candy Crush My Heart and Soul'. I'm so not being dramatic. Okay. Maybe just a little.

Let me begin by saying I don't typically play games. Well, electronic type games. I'm more about old school board games and the kids have a gajillion that we play during our weekly game nights but when it comes to video games or games on my phone I don't play many because they either 1. don't hold my attention or 2. piss me off. What can I say? I'm a sore loser. Really.

So when I was talking to Seth a few weeks ago he steadily kept his head in his phone and just said, "Mmmmhmmm" every few seconds, obviously not paying attention to what I was saying and I was like, "What are you doing over there?" And he's all, "Candy Crush." And I was like, "What the fuck is a Candy Crush?" And he looked up at me with his mouth open and eyes wide and then shook his head in disgust that I didn't know what Candy Crush was. He told me I should play it. I told him I didn't have time for stupid games. Then, everyday for the next week he'd tell me to 'just try it' ...it was like high school peer pressure all over again - those teens and their wacky tabacky. So I finally tried it. The game. Not the green. And like him, my head was stuck in my phone and here I was screaming at my screen and trying to beat level 29 for a damn week. I wanted to launch the phone across the room. Seriously, my brand new iPhone five almost got thrown at the television because Candy Crush destroyed my patience and caused me to need anger management classes - I now go to a support group every Tuesday and Thursday in an attempt to forgive Candy Crush and piece my life back together. Okay that last sentence was a lie. But seriously there have been plenty of times I yell, "DAMN IT!" and Seth's like, "What's up" and I'm like, "Candy Crush." 

So I'm sitting in the living room today and I hear the boyfriend talking to his friend and he says, so seriously, "Have you ever connected a sparkle candy with a line candy? It's pretty fucking cool. *Pauses* What? *Pauses* Okay, I'll have to show you. Hold on."

All I could do was laugh that two grown ass men were discussing Candy Crush strategy. Bottom line is my husband got me hooked on this stupid game, and the moral of the story is - don't give in to peer pressure, whether it be a line of powder or a game on your phone the end result will not be pretty. Alright, alright, that was my last drug reference joke because I'm certain my lovely parents are cringing. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one that rages on Candy Crush when I don't 'clear all the jelly'. And is it weird that I even imagine someone with an English accent saying, "You didn't clear all the jell-aye!" It only further maddens me for some odd reason. And is it also weird that on the levels where it pops up saying 'Clear all the jelly' I immediately start singing, "I don't think you're reeeeady for this jeeeeelly." And then an hour later I hear Seth humming Beyonce and he says he can't get it out of his head. Booty-licious jelly clearing/Candy Crushing shall commence in la casa de Rumbarger as soon as I publish this post.

Wish me luck,

Lor