You Have Forgotten - I'm a Single Mom

I wanted to write something up to put a few things into perspective for a few people I care about. And I did, I wrote all this, like, six weeks ago. Then it sat unpublished because I didn't know if I'd come across as a bitch or not. And even though it doesn't so much pertain to my life anymore as of three-ish weeks ago (which is when I moved in with Seth) I still feel the need to post it. To put things in a light that maybe those of you I'm speaking to will understand. And you know I care about ya'll (the ones I wrote this for) but I think it's easy to forget what someone else's lifestyle is like when yours is nothing close to theirs. So here we go...

Lately it seems as though I'm letting the few people I care about down. And I've told you that I feel like I'm letting you down so this shouldn't come as a surprise. But please remember that I have a lot going on. And I am acting as single mom since my husband had been 800 miles away for the past year. And I have no family close by. And I only have a handful of friends because I'm kind of picky like that. My kids come first and try as I might I can't be there for everyone. So the next time you want to give me grief please remember that:

Yes, most weeknights I don't get completely out of my uniform until 8 or 9 pm. When I walk through the door at the end of the work day I strip off my ABU jacket, toss it on the couch, and keep it movin', usually straight to the kitchen to begin dinner. On my way to the kitchen I'm bombarded by the three awesome humans I made and they share snippets of their day with me. When dinner is underway the next stop is the dining room table. I rotate helping three kids with their homework, then they do their reading. When all that is said and done they go outside and play. This gives me a chance to go upstairs and start my youngest's bath water. Then I do some laundry and head back down stairs to check on dinner. By this time the bath tub is filled and dinner is done. I step out to the front porch and whistle for my kids - the troops come running. By now I've ignored several phone calls and even more texts. Not because I don't like you, but because I'm busy and at this moment I don't have time to talk about how much you hate your job. 

We sit down to the dinner table to eat and no electronics are allowed. So you're not going to reach me. When dinner is done the kids clean up their plates. Owen heads upstairs to bathe. I finally sit down to take my boots off - it's 7 pm. The older two load the dishwasher and get their stuff ready for tomorrow. Owen gets out of the tub and Ethan gets in the shower, after him it's Ari's turn. While they are all getting their PJs on I sneak in a few minutes to talk to my husband about his day and tell him a bit about mine. When everyone is in their jammies it's snack time. Then brush your teeth time. Then dance-it-out and story time. I tuck my brood in bed one by one. And after a few requests for "one more kiss" or "a glass of water" I walk into my bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed. The house quiet. My day nearing an end. I get out of my uniform and into the shower. It's 9 pm. I don't sleep well alone. But an empty bed is my reality. I look at my phone and see the missed calls. The texts. The emails. I reply to few but not to most because I need alone time or to lay down. And even though I know I won't fall asleep until 2 am, I still set my head on the pillow and attempt to find some peace. 

When the weekend comes it's time to hang out with the kids mostly. Or clean. Or run errands. Or usually all of the above. Every once on a while I can go out with you but I don't have my mother next door chillin on standby to watch my kids anytime I feel an itch to shake my ass at the club. Forgive me. 

When my kids are sick everything stops. I stay home from work and cancel any other plans I had because I have to nurse my children back to health. And when I'm sick??? Forget about it - it's tough times a thousand. Because just because i feel like death my kids still need to eat and homework still needs checked. Guess who does all that? Me. Daddy Burnett doesn't live down the street for me to call and ask for help. He's a thousand miles away, literally. 

When I have dark circles under my eyes and my facial expression tells you I don't have time for your petty shit, it's because I'm running on three hours of sleep a night, at least two cups of coffee, and a red bull. But when you asked what's wrong I'm going to say 'nothing' because guess what? I'm dealing with shit you have no clue about. Everyone is to some degree. And I'm doing my damnedest even when it doesn't feel like it to you. So the next time you wanna give me shit for not squeezing in a mani/pedi with you during my one hour of alone time for the week, just remember...I'm a single mom.