Baby Products That Make You Go, "Hmmm..."

It has been almost a decade since I was last pregnant. Of course I realized this would have its challenges going into this pregnancy but it didn't really hit me until I started shopping for our little bean of an unborn child. So many new products are on the market and so many products have changed. I feel like I just woke from a decade long coma.

Let's talk cribs, apparently they don't have drop-sides anymore. Apparently those are illegal. Good to know. Looks like I'll be climbing in the crib to retrieve my child once we get to the 'lower the mattress' stage.

Now let's talk about some ridiculous products, shall we? Here, I'll just show you:

costco.com

Who does that?! Who thought this was a good idea?! And who buys it?! I had never seen or heard of this product until just a few weeks ago. I was out shopping with my mother and I saw two kids strapped into this contraption, I think my exact words were, "Are they serious?" The poor little dude on the bottom just look squished. How sad that the majority of what this child sees is the back of a seat, while sitting just inches off the ground. Oh, and let's not even get into what happens when the child decides to explore, because, you know, they are bored as shit, and they put their finger in the back wheels. He looks like he has no clean air to breath. And that if he raised his head an inch off his seat he'd hit the seat in front of him. Do the kids draw straws to see who sits in the back seat or do the parents put the favorite up front? I hope they give a voucher for future counseling sessions with this stroller. Heaven help.

Next up, why interact and bond with your baby when you can just give them an iPhone:

Fisherprice.com

I thought I was pushing it by giving my 12 year old an iPhone. But apparently so many parents give their babies an iPhone to play with that they had to make this infant friendly case to go with it. Read your kid a book, give them blocks to stack, let them crawl around and explore this big old world! Maybe I'm old school but when they are that young they need human interaction, not electronics, there will be plenty of time for that when they are tweens. Trust me.

Moving on, here is the "Daddy Doll". Umm, what? I rate this right up there with the creepiness that is that little Elf some parents use during Christmas.

Daddydolls.com

First, why is it the Daddy Doll, what about Mommy? You know what, it doesn't matter - Daddy, Mommy, Grandpa, Cousin, any version of this doll would be awkward. My kids have photos of mommy and daddy and each other in their bedrooms per their request, so I guess if my kids requested one of these I would oblige but let's be honest, there is something about these that just screams creepy.

I'm gonna wrap this up with child leashes, you knew it was coming:

Amazon.com

You lost control of your life and consequentially your child so you bought a leash. And you make yourself feel better about it by slapping a puppy or monkey on it, "Look!!! It's cute!" No. No it is not. Parent in such a way that your child doesn't run off like a hooligan. Or strap their ass in a stroller. Or better yet, hold their hand and pay attention to them and their whereabouts rather than stare at your phone for half the day. I think the only people who get a pass on using a kid leash are those that go out alone with quadruplets under the age of three. Not triplets. Not twins. Quads or higher. Even then you'd look like a dog walker and you'd be better off figuring out another system. I pass no judgement but you will never catch any of my kids leashed.

Are ya'll tired? Me too. I could keep going but that would just make me ragey. Oh, and let's end with a little disclaimer: if you have used or like any of these products, dude, more power to you. I won't judge you for putting them on your baby registry if you don't judge me for putting wine, a year's supply of yoga pants, and a personal chef on mine.

Peace.