12 Things You Need to Know About Pregnancy

Pregnancy is great. I mean, you're making a freaking human from scratch! Impressive. But here are 12 things you may not have been warned about when it comes to pregnancy:

1. You're going to be tired. No, beyond tired. No, exhausted. No, you are going to experience a type of fatigue that can't be appreciated by someone that's never been pregnant. It's indescribable. There were plenty of days I slept 12 hours. Woke up. Showered. Peed. Went back to sleep. Woke up. Ate. Peed. Went back to sleep. And days you have to work? Miserable. I shut my office door on a daily and slept on my lunch breaks. The struggle was real.

2. You will pee. A lot. You will wake up multiple times a night to pee. You will change position and need to pee. Baby will change position and you will need to pee. You will have a braxton-hicks contraction and need to pee immediately after. You will get tired of peeing.

3. You will puke. Okay, maybe you won't. And I envy you bitches. But some of us will and did and still do. I did essentially nothing but sleep, puke, and pee for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy. And even at 20 weeks the puking didn't end, it simply only happened once or so a day, which was a vast improvement to the first 20 weeks so I should quit my bitching.

4. Your boobs will double in size. Then, when your milk comes in they'll double in size again. Your husband will be stoked. Your back will not.

5. You'll get a funky line down ur belly called linea nigra. It will go away soon after you give birth but still..it is not cute. 

6. You will either get a stuffy nose despite not being ill or each time you blow your nose your snot will have blood streaked in it. Or if you're really lucky you'll experience both on a regular basis. Something to do with your blood vessels.

7. If you have hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) you will puke so much that you will puke until you have nothing but gross vile to vomit. Then you'll dry heave until your nose bleeds. It's really sexy. And completely comfortable. And you totally don't feel like u can't breath. Fuck you, HG.

8. Around your third trimester your belly will be so big that you can no longer see your lady parts. And you'll have to put a shit ton of trust in your husband when you hand him the razor after recruiting him to help with the grooming of said parts. That. is. love. 

9. You will be all in your feels at the most random times. Then when someone asks why you're crying you'll cry even more because you don't know why you're crying and therefore it makes you cry. See the vicious, nonsensical cycle?

10. You will miss your baby. When it's been a few weeks since your last ultrasound you will miss her and long for your next ultrasound where you get to see her again.

11. You. Will. Clean. You will organise. You will purge. And you will love it. Your puppy will not, however. And will wonder why you're rolling her with a lint roller.

12. You will feel a fantastic bond with your partner. You will look at him knowing you created a life together. And you'll be awestruck at how thankful you are to him for giving u the greatest gift he could ever give you; your precious baby.