Ed, Sia, and 85% Confusion

I...I am officially a mother. Correction. I am officially my mother. You know what I mean, when you catch yourself telling your kids something like:

"Put some socks on your feet sweetie, my feet are cold."

or

"SHUT THE DOOR!!!! I'M NOT PAYING TO AIR CONDITION THE NEIGHBORHOOD!"

or

"Please do the worm in the living room, I'm trying to cook and carrying hot things and it's dangerous for you to be in here doing that. Living Room = Worm. Kitchen = Cook."

Now granted, I have said those phrases and many more that in retrospect sound ridiculous to a non-parent and I've said things like that for years and it never once phased me. But today was the day when I truly realized I am my mom. The mom that is still feels and looks young but knows she definitely has little in common with the early-twenty-something year olds (hell, my oldest is closer in age to them than I am). The mom that doesn't know half of today's lingo. The mom that doesn't know what Iggy Azalea looks like (I just saw her infamous booty for the first time today, apparently it's a thing). And I realized that I'm that mom today because I was listening to music while doing some cleaning (wild and crazy Sunday going on over here, folks) and Ed Sheeran's "Don't" came on. I caught a glimpse of the video as I walked by the computer and I had to sit down to watch it. Ed won, he pulled me in. Good work, Ed. So this video follows a rather flexible man around town as he does these oddly impressive contortionist style moves with his body. I recommend you watch a bit of the video before continuing to read, that way we can see if our heads were in the same place throughout the video.



And while watching it, part of the time I was like:

"Wow, that's pretty cool he can do that with his arms and yet not snap every bone in 'em."

or

"Sheesh, I wish I could effortlessly pop a garnish in my adult beverage of choice with such ease."

But the other part of the time my mom came out:

"OH MY NO! YOU'RE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF DOING THE CATERPILLAR ON THE CONCRETE LIKE THAT!"

or

"You're moves are impressive enough on the ground, stop gyrating on that fence before you fall and crack your skull open!"

or

"Did this motherfucker really just bathe himself with the kitchen sponge?"

And I'm still wondering why he woke up on a mattress in the junk yard when he had, like, four different homes he could've slept in. But then again, maybe that's music videos these days, I don't know, I rarely catch one because I'm too busy crocheting and shit.

Then, I walk away and come back to see the end of Sia's "Elastic Heart" with Shia LeBouf. Now, I like to think of myself as a creative person but I think I just stared at the screen blank-faced for like 5 solid minutes after it ended. I think maybe the fact that the female was a little kid and Shia LeBeouf is like my age fucked me up so I couldn't really appreciate the video in an "oh-wow-that's-a-powerful-interpretive-dance type of way". I'm starting to think maybe the tea I drank earlier this morning was laced with X or whatever kids do these days. Either that or I'm just totally my mom.