The Pretty + The Brave: Eight Pounds

That's how many pounds I lost in two weeks. Fantastic, eh? I was proud. Welp, the babe started waking around midnight a couple weeks ago and every night at that time she just wants to play for like two hours. It's insane. Insanely cute.

And insanely tiring. There's giggling, and raspberry blowing on her part. And on my part? There's popcorn, and Netflix, and oh yeah there's eight pounds I gained back. Minor details.

We're working on this whole waking at midnight thing. No, actually we're not because she's four months old and that's just silly. But I like to tell myself we are working on it and that we will be past it soon. And you know, It's not even the lack of sleep that bothers me, it's my waistline, because again, popcorn.

Currently, I can only fit into two pairs of my pre-pregnancy pants.

I'm pretty sure my neighbour thinks I work out like four times a day because each time I see him I have yoga pants or some sort of workout attire on. But there's no working out happening here. At least not in the last couple of weeks. I had been doing well, running regularly and all. I even decided that I needed to do this 30 day squat challenge that I found on Pinterest because...bubble butt, duh. I stuck with it for like a week. My ass and legs were so sore during that week. So naturally I was like uh, if the booty is sore it must be working! But the mirror was like, nope! So that depleted the little motivation I did have, what can I say, I need instant results or else I can't stay focused. Because we all know instant results are totally realistic.

Since excercise isn't currently happening I should diet, right?

Wrong.

I love food far too much to make a dent in my weight simply by dieting. And more importantly I'm exclusively breastfeeding my bebe so I'm not looking to cut calories as I don't want to risk lowering my milk supply.

Speaking of nursing, while grocery shopping a few weeks ago I had a random woman ask me if Avery started eating solids yet.

Why yes, she's also playing rugby every Wednesday, thanks for asking.

Seriously though, I think I just stared at her with my mouth open and my head cocked to one side. I don't even remember if I initially said anything. My silence must've made her memory go because she asked how old Av is despite me having told her less than 30 seconds prior.

"She's almost four months," I replied, hoping maybe she misheard the first time.

She went on to tell me how she began giving her baby rice cereal in his bottle at two months old, stopped nursing him in the evenings and switched him to formula for the sole purpose of hoping he'd "sleep longer" at night. She also told me how she let him "cry it out" each night for about a week during all this but not to worry because she had a video monitor so she could see he was "fine and just fuss in' to be held", and that around three months he would eat table food a few times a week, she then suggested I give all that a try because "...it worked to get him sleepin' through the night!" She also told me about how her stepmother of 24 years is divorcing her father and wiped his bank account "good and dry."

I just met this lady.

The words: What in the actual fuck? aaaallllmost slipped out of my mouth, but instead the only words I could muster we're "Wow," and even thought none of my other kids were at the store with me I scurried away pretending to be chasing one down in an attempt to get away from this lady because I don't need crazy in my life.

I eventually made my way to a checkout line where there was a cute old couple with two massive carts of goods, they were moving as slow as humanly possible so I knew this was gonna be quite a wait. So I did what any mom of four that didn't get to eat breakfast does and rummaged through my diaper bag hoping one of the kids left their snack in there! Score! Fruit snacks. I ripped those puppies open and started to eat them as I swayed back and forth to keep my sleeping baby sleep, all the while messaging my bestie to tell her what happened with random woman (the bestie keeps me in check by telling me if and when I'm being Bitch Eating Crackers). She assured me my reaction was warranted and that random woman probably had more stories for me had I stuck around the toothpaste aisle a bit longer. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn't being catty only to be jolted by the sight of said random woman. As I shoved half the fruit snacks in my mouth at once she grinned and said, "...you should also check out advocare. I lost 53 pounds after I had my baby when I started the program." I looked around briefly to make sure she was talking to me because it sounded like she was shooting a commercial.

Is this The Truman Show?

Or does this woman just think I could stand to lose a few pounds?

I immediately messaged my girlfriend again with a simple, "This bitch."

Her response: "Is she eating crackers like she owns the place and shit?"

Me: You already know.